Give Absalom a Break
2 Samuel 13:39
"And the soul of king David longed to go forth unto Absalom: for he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead."
In our attempt to defend our heroes, we often make villains out of people who reacted in a wrong way. Yes, their reaction may have been wrong, but their reaction was caused by what someone else did. If we are not careful, we will destroy a person all because we are trying to defend our heroes.
Absalom is one of those people whom everyone seems to pile on. What Absalom did to his father is defenseless. What he did was absolutely wrong! However, if you read the whole story, you will see that Absalom responded the way he did because David did not deal with sin like he should.
Absalom's rebellion happened because his sister was raped by his half-brother, Amnon. Amnon's sin was not just a sin of uncontrolled passion, but his sin was thought out to exactly how he would defile his own sister. His sin was evil! When David heard what happened, he did not deal with the sin; however, it was Absalom's sister who was raped. Absalom expected his father to deal with this in a proper manner only to see him let Amnon get away with his sin. David's inaction of dealing with sin in a proper manner led to bitterness in the heart of Absalom. That bitterness led to Absalom turning on his own father and eventually he lost his life in the whole thing. All of this would have never happened if David had dealt with the sin like he should have. I believe we ought to give Absalom a break and lay much of the blame on David. Though Absalom was responsible for his own actions, it was initially David's inaction that caused the whole mess.
Leaders must be careful about letting sin go unpunished. As I travel, I frequently preach in conferences with other men of God. This allows me to hear other men of God preach, which I always enjoy. One of the common themes I hear coming from the mouths of preachers is the sinfulness of disloyalty to their pastor. Truthfully, I am one hundred percent behind what they say; however, I never hear a preacher mention that many times disloyalty is caused because of how a leader dealt with sin. When people see sin go unpunished, many times it will drive them to disloyalty. Unpunished sin will cause many to become frustrated with leadership. They often know that if they were to do the same thing, they would not get away with that wrong, which will eventually lead to bitterness. Their bitterness often comes out in the form of disloyalty. Though disloyalty is a sin, we must remember that the leader who doesn't properly deal with sin is the initial cause of the wrong.
When someone does wrong, they must be punished. It doesn't matter whether or not they are related to you or are a part of your church staff, their sin must be dealt with in a proper way. Sweeping it under the carpet is as wrong as the sin itself. God never sweeps sin under the carpet. God always punishes sin. If, as a leader, you can't deal properly with sin even when it is someone close to you, then you need to give that authority to a person who will deal with it in a proper way. Just like a judge must recuse themselves from a case because of personal ties, if you must recuse yourself from dealing with a sin because of heart ties, then do it so that unpunished sin won't lead to disloyalty.
Finally, if you have a leader who swept sin under the carpet, be careful that you don't allow it to make you disloyal. The leader's sin does not give you a right to sin. You must simply continue doing what you are supposed to do and let God deal with it. God always deals with it and will make sure that it is dealt with in a proper way. Don't become an Absalom because of a leader's improper action. Ask God to help you keep the right attitude so that you don't do something you will regret for the rest of your life.