Hidden Feelings Always Come Out
Galatians 2:14
"But when I saw that they walked not uprightly according to the truth of the gospel, I said unto Peter before them all, If thou, being a Jew, livest after the manner of Gentiles, and not as do the Jews, why compellest thou the Gentiles to live as do the Jews?"
Hiding one's feelings from others often seems harmless. We think that we can hide our feelings and that nobody will ever know, but what we don't understand is that hidden feelings will often change your treatment of someone. Though hiding your feelings may work for awhile, what is better is if you work out the problems that you have with someone.
Peter, Barnabas and Paul had a quarrel with each other because hidden feelings were not dealt with properly. Verse 13 says that Paul and Barnabas were "...carried away with their dissimulation." The word "dissimulation" means, "to hide one's feelings." In other words, the separation that happened between Paul and Barnabas happened because hidden feelings were not dealt with properly. Though they thought they could hide their feelings, it eventually caused two friends to have to separate.
What is interesting is that though they thought Paul did not know their feelings, he saw that their countenance towards him had changed. The verse above says, "But when I saw that they walked not uprightly..." Paul perceived their hidden feelings because of their changed countenance. You may think that you can hide your feelings and that nobody will figure them out, but what you don't understand is that it affects your countenance. Have you ever had a time when you felt that something was not right between you and someone else? You had those feelings because their countenance towards you changed. Though they thought they could hide their feelings, their hidden feelings changed their countenance and put a strain on your relationship with them.
I have found that it is better to work out your differences in a private setting than to allow hidden feelings to fester to the point where you lose a friendship. Barnabas hid his feelings, and because he did not approach Paul about them, they festered to the point that these two men who worked so well together had to separate. When you have problems with someone, instead of letting it destroy your relationship with them, it would be wise to approach them in a prayerful manner to try and solve the situation.
When you go to approach someone about your hidden feelings, don't approach them with an accusatory manner. Instead, approach them with the intent to find out what you have done wrong. Don't play the blame game for that will destroy a relationship. Furthermore, approach them in a humble spirit. Don't approach them as if you are better than they. Before you approach them, you would be wise to spend much time in prayer asking the LORD to intervene in your conversation with them. While you are talking to them, don't allow a heated discussion. Your whole purpose is to work out your differences, not to magnify them.
Everybody will at one point in their life have differences with close associations. When you have a difference, be careful not to hide your feelings and let it fester. If it is something that you cannot let go, then you need to approach them in the right attitude and manner so that you can correct what is causing the difference. It is better to save a relationship than to lose it over hidden feelings. Most of the time people don't realize that they may have done something that caused harm to a relationship. Most people will want to work things out. If you approach these things before they fester in your heart, then you have a better chance of working them out. Whatever you do, be sure to bathe these things in prayer before you try to handle them.