Proverbs 25:11
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."
"I didn't say anything wrong." This is the common response of someone who is trying to defend their position.
Sometimes it is not what you say that is wrong, but it is how you said it or when you said it that makes it wrong. Words are powerful tools, and if used in the wrong way they can hurt and destroy relationships.
God says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." In other words, a word that is said at the right time and in the right way is like a picture that has gold apples surrounded by silver. Words spoken in a right way are beautiful and helpful. As hurtful as words can be when used in a wrong manner, they can be equally as helpful if used in a right manner. Let me give some suggestions one helping you with your use of words.
First, be sure what you say is said in the right tone. This may sound strange, but you can say the same phrase in two different tones and it comes across in two different ways. I often tell people to listen to how they are saying something. You may not think what you said is wrong, but it is the tone in how you said it that makes it wrong.
Second, don't speak in code. Verse 4 says, "Take away the dross from the silver..." Far too many times we speak in code thinking someone understands when they don't. You can hint, or you can be direct and say what you are thinking. Many misunderstandings happen because someone speaks in code to their spouse, parent, child or someone else. Always remember that people can't read your mind, so say what you mean and don't beat around the bush.
Third, don't speak in slang. Verse 5 shows us that a king is to remove wickedness so as to establish his throne. Kings speak in a kingly fashion, and you should not lower your vocabulary to the world's slang. Whenever you speak, your words should be right words and pure words. Don't lower your vocabulary just because the world does.
Fourth, don't speak in strife. Verse 8 talks about being slow to strife. The words you use should not be used to cause strife in relationships or conversations. There is a time when you should stand up for the truth, but you can stand for truth without being condescending. When you start calling names, you will find strife will follow. Don't let your words be filled with strife. Yes, you should stand for truth, but use your words wisely so that it's not your words that cause the strife. If your position causes strife but it is spiritually correct, then there is nothing you can do about it, but make sure the words you say are right words.
Fifth, don't speak without thinking. Verse 9 talks about debating your cause with your neighbor. In other words, rehearse what you are going to say in your mind before you say something. There are times you can rehearse what you're going to say to another person to get their advice, and that would be wise; however, most of the time if you will think about what you are going to say before you say it, you could avoid much heartache.
Always remember that it is not always what you say, but how you say it. Let your words be like apples of gold in a picture of silver. Let your words be right words that are spoken in a right manner and at the right time.