Deuteronomy 25:1
“If there be a controversy between men, and they come unto judgment, that the judges may judge them; then they shall justify the righteous, and condemn the wicked.”
As much as you may try to avoid controversies, they will come. There are going to be times in your marriage when you and your wife will have a controversy you need to settle. In every church, there are going to be times when disagreements will come up. Settling them properly so that the church is not destroyed is imperative for the sake of reaching the lost for Christ. With all the different relationships you have in life and the complexities of each one, there are going to be times when controversy will arise. How you handle them will determine the quality of future fellowship in that relationship.
God knew that people would have controversies with each other. Because God gives a man free choice to think, there are going to be times when the free choice of man disagrees with another person. Though you may have a disagreement that stirs a controversy with another person, it doesn't mean that the relationship must be destroyed or severed just so that it can be settled. If you settle controversies in a scriptural manner, you can salvage relationships and enjoy the fellowship of that person for years to come. God gives several steps you need to take to settle these controversies properly.
First, try to settle your differences privately. If two parties come before the judge, it is implied that they already attempted to settle it and failed. The best way to keep from escalating the tension in a controversy is to try to settle it privately. Everybody else doesn't need to know what is going on between you, so do your best to settle it privately.
Second, if settling it privately between yourselves doesn't work, find an impartial person who you both agree upon and ask them to help you settle the controversy. Again, you will notice that this is done privately. Finding an impartial person is important for both sides to feel confident with the final decision. Privately using an impartial person will keep tensions from escalating from outside people who do not know the complexities of the disagreement.
Third, the impartial person is to hear BOTH sides before making a judgment. It is crucial that the person you choose to settle the controversy is capable of not prejudging the situation without hearing both sides. Once the impartial person hears both sides, they are to make a decision of what needs to be done to settle the controversy.
Finally, once the judgment has been made, it is final. Move on and don't bring it up again. You will hurt your relationship with that person if you continually try to bring it back up. Don't be guilty of bringing up something that has already been settled. Move on, even if you don't agree with the judgment. It is not worth you stewing over it when it has been settled.
Don't let your relationships be destroyed because of controversies. Settle them properly and move on. Life is too short to allow controversies to destroy relationships that can be beneficial to both sides if you will settle them quickly and properly. If you are in a relationship that has controversy, realize the value of the relationship and do your best to settle it privately, quickly and properly.