Genesis 25:28
"And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob."
You would think that Isaac would have learned from his parents the dangers of selfish parenting.
He saw firsthand what would happen if parents become selfish, because he dealt with it through his step brother, Ishmael. Yet, we find that Isaac and Rebekah both got involved in selfish parenting which led to sibling rivalry in the home. The sibling rivalry didn't stop in the home. It followed them throughout their young adult lives. There were three very selfish things Jacob and Rebekah did that led to the sibling rivalry of Jacob and Esau.
First, they played favorites with their boys. It says that Jacob loved Esau but Rebekah loved Jacob. This no doubt affected the way they treated their sons. It probably affected the way they punished their children as well as their time spent with each child.
Parents have to be very careful that they don't play favorites with their children. Every child must be loved the same. Yes, you may love each child in their unique way, but you cannot give any perception of favorites. This creates a rivalry atmosphere among children. Children need the security that they are as loved from both parents as each of their siblings. God certainly does this with His children. God doesn't love one child more than another just because one is better than the other. Just because one child may act a little better, you must never portray that you love them more than the child who may be a little more challenging to raise.
Second, they manipulated circumstances in the home by using their children. When Rebekah saw that Esau was going to be blessed, she used Jacob as a tool of manipulation to be sure he was blessed and not Esau. Using your children to manipulate your spouse to get what you want only teaches your children to manipulate things to get what they want. Children don't need to be taught to use manipulation to get what they want, for manipulation is dishonesty. You may use your children to manipulate circumstances, but eventually you will find they will begin to manipulate you to get what they want. Instead of teaching your children how to manipulate situations to get what they want, you should teach them to be honest and work hard to get what they want.
Third, they wanted to be friends to their children instead of parents. Both Isaac and Rebekah were guilty of trying to be their favorite child's friend instead of being a parent and correcting them when they did wrong. This selfish style of parenting only causes you to lose your children in the end. You are not supposed to be your child's friend, you are supposed to be their parent. Sometimes a parent must make tough decisions that will cause their child not to like them, but that is being a parent. Parents must rear their children to do right, and many times that will cause them to dislike your decisions.
Friend, parenting is not an easy chore, but selfish parenting only makes parenting harder. Be careful that you don't become selfish in your parenting. Selfish parenting leads to selfish children, and having selfish children leads to sibling rivalry. If you don't want your home to be a battleground of sibling rivalry, then don't be guilty of being a selfish parent.