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Settling Marital Disputes
Song of Solomon 2:11
"For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;"
Marriage is a wonderful union to enjoy. One of the greatest blessings that God allowed mankind to enjoy is the blessing of marriage. However, because marriage consists of a sinful man and woman dwelling together, that means that there will be disagreements between them. Though there are disagreements, that does not mean that you still can't enjoy marriage. If you handle the disputes in a proper manner, then your marriage can still be happy and enjoyable.
In the verse above, the couple seemingly had a dispute. Notice the verse says, "...the winter is past,..." That is talking about a cold spell that they had in their marriage. In other words, though this couple was madly in love with each other, they still had disputes that they had to settle. Yet, you will notice that when the dispute was over that they were still in love with each other. The reason is because they settled their dispute in a right way. If you will handle your disputes with your spouse in a right way, then you can keep the love and passion fresh in your marriage.
When trying to settle a dispute in your marriage, don't attack the dignity of your spouse. In verse 9, the wife addressed her husband with dignity. You may have a disagreement with your spouse, but you don't have to attack their dignity. Anytime you attack the dignity of your spouse you will escalate the disagreement. The best way to allow your spouse to keep their dignity in a disagreement is to address them properly. Calling names will not allow them to keep their dignity.
Second, stay sweet during the dispute. The couple in this story kept the sweetness with each other during their dispute. Notice in verse 10 it says, "Rise up, my love, my fair one,..." Instead of being sour towards each other, they addressed each other with loving words which helped them to settle their dispute properly. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." If you will keep your tone down and talk to each other in a sweet and loving manner, then you will find it will be much easier to settle your disputes.
Third, once you settle the dispute, then put it in the past. Notice in the verse above they talk about the winter being past. In other words, when the cold spell of the dispute was over, they put it in the past and moved on. When you settle a dispute, you both must decide to never again bring that situation up. Leave your disputes in the past once you have settled them so that your marriage can become stronger.
The results of settling marital disputes in a right way is that there will be a renewed love and sweetness. In verse 12, this couple talked about the flowers appearing and the birds singing. Just like the air is fresh after a thunderstorm, if you settle your disputes in a proper way, you will find fresh air in your marriage that will allow it to be stronger, sweeter, and for you to be closer to your spouse.