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The Cause of Sibling Rivalry
Genesis 30:8
"And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali."
Sibling rivalry is a problem that goes back to the beginning of time. You would think because it has been around for so long that we would have figured out a way to stop the cause. Yet, in households all over the world are siblings who are causing turmoil in their homes because of their rivalry with each other.
The first sibling rivalry in the Scriptures is found between Cain and Abel. The unveiling of this rivalry is found when both men gave their sacrifices to God. Though this is the first time we see this rivalry, I suspect that this went on for years because sibling rivalries mostly start as children. The sad part about the rivalry between Cain and Abel is that it led to murder.
Jacob and Esau's rivalry started in the womb. The rivalry became so fierce that they had to part ways so that Esau would not kill Jacob. However, you will notice that this rivalry continued on in Jacob's children. Joseph's brethren hated him so much because of how he was treated by his father. This rivalry between Joseph and his brethren led to a plan to sell Joseph into slavery hoping that he would be killed. The rivalry in this family seemed to affect every generation.
In the verse above, we find there was a sibling rivalry between Rachel and Leah. This no doubt was something that went on for years before Jacob ever came into their lives. Yet, this rivalry reached a fevered pitch when both of these ladies became the wives of Jacob. Now you have two sisters who are married to the same man and their rivalry escalated to another level. Rachel admitted that their was a sibling rivalry when she said, "With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister,..." She thought she finally prevailed in this rivalry, but there are no winners in sibling rivalries.
So, you wonder what is the cause of sibling rivalry? When you study each of these stories, you will find that the parents were definitely the cause in three of the four rivalries. Though we don't know much about Cain and Abel, I would imagine the parents were the cause as well. In each of these cases the parents played favorites with one of the children, which left the children fighting with each other trying to reach that favored point in their parent's eyes.
Another danger in sibling rivalry that is also found in these stories is that it leads to evil. In a few cases, murder was contemplated or carried out, and in the others the rivalry led to marital problems. Sibling rivalries will carry on into the adult years if parents don't stop them.
The best way to stop sibling rivalry is for parents to love and treat each child the same. God placed in every child the desire to please their parents. When parents treat one child differently than the other, then the one who is not treated as well will feel that they need to tear down their sibling so they can be elevated in the eyes of their parents. I believe that most sibling rivalry can be stopped simply by parents making every child feel special. When parents make every child feel like they are as loved as the others, then you will stop the sibling rivalries.
Parents, don't allow sibling rivalry in your home. It is unhealthy for the future relationship of your children, and it can lead to sin. When you see it rearing its ugly head, immediately stop it. Love each of your children with a special love and don't allow yourself to play favorites with any of your children. You will find if you can stop the sibling rivalry then you can have peace in your home.